What Does Sex Feel Like For Women?

Unless he has some pretty sophisticated VR equipment, a man probably doesn’t know what sex feels like from a woman’s POV.

You may be wondering, does sex always hurt the first time? Can women orgasm through penetration alone? What does sex feel like for women compared to men?

The truth is that the experience of sex can vary from woman to woman. It depends on factors like who she’s with, what’s happening during the sex, and how she feels mentally and physically.

So, while we can’t tell you exactly how sex feels for a woman, we can break down the factors that impact how it feels, what some women wish men knew in the bedroom, and what you can do to make sex better for her.

TV shows, social media memes, and even some outdated academic research will have you believe that female sexuality is complicated. But complicated suggests difficult, with the implication that maybe it’s just too difficult for a woman to fully enjoy sex. This assessment is, at best, pretty unfair, if not entirely wrong.

Most experts agree that, like men, women have a sexual response cycle with distinct stages. Let’s look at what these stages are and how they inform the sensations women feel during sex.

The Female Sexual Response Cycle

The sexual response cycle traditionally includes these four phases:

• Excitement. This initial stage of sexual desire and arousal can cause increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and vasocongestion (an enlargement of blood vessels in the labia, clitoris, vaginal walls, and uterus). The vulva may become darker as it becomes engorged with blood, and the vagina becomes wet thanks to fluid released from the cervix and Bartholin’s glands.

• Plateau. During the plateau stage, the above responses intensify. Breathing, blood flow, and heart rate continue to increase, and muscle tension may spread from the genitals to other body parts. The vagina and clitoris become increasingly sensitive.

• Orgasm. This is the peak of sexual excitement. Involuntary and rhythmic muscle contractions occur in the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina and uterus, producing a sense of euphoria and intense pleasure. This is followed by a release of tension buildup.

• Resolution. The body returns to baseline as muscles relax, heart rate slows, and blood pressure drops. Blood flow to the genital region decreases.

It’s worthwhile to point out that this sexual response cycle was established back in 1966 by Masters & Johnson. More research on female sexuality has led to some expanded versions.

For instance, in 1979, Austrian-American sex therapist Helen Kaplan noted that the four-stage response cycle left out an important component: sexual desire.

And even later, sex therapist Rosemary Basson suggested a non-linear model, which argues that some women don’t experience sexual desire spontaneously. Sexual stimuli prompts desire, which creates arousal. This leads to a second stage of desire, which in turn leads to continued arousal.

Non-sexual stimuli can also prompt sexual desire, particularly love, emotional connection, and intimacy.

How Some Women Describe Sex and Orgasm

“It feels so good it almost hurts.”

This is how one woman described the female orgasm in a 2013 study of orgasm and pleasure in 119 British young adults.

Other descriptions collected by researchers included:

• “It starts by building up from inside me, my whole body starts to tingle as the intensity builds… The intensity then spreads across my whole body, and then when I feel like I am going to explode, the intensity is released.”

• “It is very satisfying and as if the tension that has been building up has been relieved.”

• “Sexual activity is still pleasurable if I don’t orgasm, but it is obviously more enjoyable if I do.”

Beyond the physical sensations of sex and orgasm, which researchers described as tingles and contractions in the genital region or all over the body, many women valued the emotional component of sex. Some women even say they can’t orgasm without an emotional connection.

Some remarks included:

• “I feel like I have bonded more with the other person, and I’m more likely to fall in love with someone at this point.”

• “I tend to feel more comfortable with someone I am emotionally involved with and therefore don’t orgasm usually if I have casual sex.”

• “When he reaches orgasm, it makes me feel positive and as if I have done a good job.”

If you’re curious about how sex feels for a woman, you may be curious about what type of sex feels most pleasurable for them.

One of the most pervasive myths about female sexuality is that most women have an orgasm through penetration alone.

Instead, research shows that clitoral orgasms are more common. One study found that as many as 70 percent of women had orgasms exclusively from clitoral stimulation, while only 26 percent were able to experience vaginal orgasms without clitoral stimulation.

Another study found that only 18.4 percent of women could have orgasms through intercourse alone, but 36.6 percent required clitoral stimulation. An additional 36 percent stated that while they didn't need clitoral stimulation, their orgasms felt better if their clitoris was stimulated during intercourse.

Going back to the study on British young adults, some of the respondents explained:

• “I can’t orgasm through sex alone. I have to have clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. When I do, I always orgasm.”

• “I am unable to orgasm from sexual intercourse, and usually do from oral sex afterwards. If my boyfriend and I just have sex, I do not orgasm.”

For some women, certain sex positions facilitated orgasm, like one who said, “I was on top – the only way I can reach orgasm.”

When it comes to what type of sex feels best for her, there’s no definitive answer. But clitoral stimulation does appear to be a recurring theme. After all, the clitoris has more than 10,000 nerve endings, which is more than any other part of the vulva.

Oral sex is a great way to ensure these nerve endings are getting the attention they deserve, but it’s not the only way. Mutual masturbation, sex toys, and experimenting with different positions during vaginal intercourse can also do the trick.

Anal sex is another territory that could bring your female partner significant pleasure. Women have described anal sex as feeling "fuller” or “bigger” than other kinds of sexual pleasure. Some have said anal sex makes their orgasms more intense, and some say it feels “profoundly intimate and emotional.”

Whether you identify as a woman, a man, or a non-binary person, you probably want sex to feel good. However, feeling pain during sex (dyspareunia) is quite common for women.

According to the American College of Obstetricians & Gynecologists, nearly three out of four women experience pain during intercourse at some time during their lives. For some women, the pain is temporary, while others deal with chronic pain.

Some potential reasons why women feel pain during sex include:

• Injuries or trauma

• Ovarian cysts

• Endometriosis

• Lack of lubrication

• Vaginismus, which is a sexual dysfunction that causes involuntary contractions of the vaginal muscles

• Hormonal changes during perimenopause or menopause

• Skin disorders like contact dermatitis or eczema

• Sexually transmitted infections

• Yeast infections

• Childbirth

Is The First Sexual Experience Painful for All Women?

According to Planned Parenthood, some women may feel pain and/or bleeding when having vaginal or anal sex for the first time, but it doesn’t happen to everybody. Being relaxed and using a lubricant can help reduce the likelihood of feeling pain.

Other tips to reduce pain during sex:

• Engage in foreplay. This will help get her aroused, which means sex is less likely to be painful.

• Go slow. More vigorous sex leads to more friction, which can cause pain.

• Try different sex positions. Sometimes, you could just be hitting her in a painful position, so trying different ones can help.

• Communicate. The best way to make sure sex isn’t painful? Ask her — and listen to the answer, then change things up if you need to.

Numerous factors can affect what sex feels like for a woman. These factors can amplify either her pleasure or her discomfort.

Factors that affect how sex feels to a woman, in both good and bad ways, include:

• Lack of arousal. A lack of arousal typically means a lack of lubrication. This can cause friction during sex, leading to vaginal irritation and discomfort. Spending more time on foreplay, whether that’s oral sex, cuddling, kissing, or using sex toys, can enhance arousal and increase the chances of having a satisfying sexual experience.

• Dehydration. Being dehydrated can also lead to vaginal dryness and contribute to both discomfort during sex and a lack of arousal.

• Alcohol intake. Studies show that alcohol consumption increases the risk of sexual dysfunction in women by 74 percent. Excessive alcohol intake can reduce sexual stimulation, lead to vaginal dryness, and make it difficult to achieve orgasm.

• Stress. Chronic stress in women is linked to low sexual desire due to increased cortisol and high levels of distraction.

• Cannabis use. Although weed can negatively impact erectile function, some research shows the plant can increase sexual desire in women, decrease pain associated with sex, and potentially prolong orgasms.

• Penis size. Unless you’re considerably well-endowed, you’ve probably wondered from time to time if your penis should be bigger. The truth is, the penis size women prefer changes from person to person. While most guys think bigger is better, being too big can contribute to painful sex. When asked about what matters more between size vs. motion during sex, six out of six respondents in the Hims Group Chat chose motion. Why? As one woman explained, “...size has not really been a consistent and reliable indicator of performance or chemistry.”

Knowing what you like and figuring out what your partner likes can both take some time and practice.

In the Hims Group Chat, we asked five women what they wished guys knew about sex. From turn-ons to red flags, here are some of their responses:

Their biggest turn-ons included:

• Being kissed during sex

• When her needs were first first

• Getting touched all over

• Being held

Turn-offs and red flags included:

• Jackhammering, which makes women feel like a body instead of a person

• Not making eye contact

• Not listening to verbal or physical cues

• No foreplay

And they had even more tips to help you make sex more pleasurable for your partner:

• Let sexual tension build up over the day.

• Communicate what you like and don’t like.

• Let the woman come first.

Techniques & Products to Enhance Pleasure for Her

If you're here, you likely want to understand not just how sex feels for a woman but also how to make it feel even better for her. Here are some techniques and products that can help enhance her pleasure:

• Spend more time on clitoral stimulation. There are many ways to stimulate her clitoris, including oral sex, masturbation, and sex toys. One sex toy that can stimulate you and your partner is the OMG Ring Penis Vibrator, which is a hands-free device you slip onto your penis. It can enhance your erections while providing direct stimulation to her clitoris.

• Find her erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are sensitive body parts that produce sexual pleasure when touched. You may have heard of some of the big players, like the clitoris and the G-spot, but these hotspots can actually be found all over the body. They include the back of the neck, the inner thighs, and the ears. Oh, and don’t forget that you have erogenous zones, too.

• Try different sex positions. You may have your favorite go-to sex positions, but being open to different ones may open up a world of pleasure for her. Try having her get on top to find the most satisfying angle.

• Conquer your sexual dysfunctions. If you struggle with a sexual dysfunction like premature ejaculation (PE) or erectile dysfunction (ED), it can lead to significant relationship issues. Not to mention that it can negatively impact your self-esteem and confidence. Fortunately, there are treatments that can help, ranging from prescription medication to healthy lifestyle changes. Explore treatments for premature ejaculation and get help for erectile dysfunction by booking an online consultation today.

How each person experiences and achieves sexual pleasure varies between individuals. Here’s what we know about what sex feels like for women:

• The female sexual response cycle may differ from the male sexual response cycle. Some experts believe women have a non-linear response. Sexual stimuli prompts desire, which creates arousal, which leads to more desire. Non-sexual stimuli can also prompt sexual desire, particularly emotional connection and intimacy.

• Many women value the emotional component of sex. Some women report not being able to orgasm unless they have an emotional connection to their partner.

• Clitoral orgasms are a more common type of orgasm. Despite what Freud may have thought, many women cannot orgasm through penetrative sex alone. They rely on stimulation of the clitoris, which has the most nerve endings than any other part of the vulva.

• Women can feel pain during sex for a number of reasons. These reasons include lack of lubrication, hormonal changes, STIs, and skin irritation.

• Women wish guys knew a few more things about sex. Tips from women include spending more time on foreplay, letting her come first, making eye contact, listening to her cues, and building up sexual tension all day.

Want to learn more about how to please a woman during sex? Check out these tips for dating a woman with a high libido, explore some ways to spice up your sex life, and learn how to become sexually confident.